i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize