I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
