so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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