The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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