Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
