i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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