i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He better not be in your backpack
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
