Tell her she can't have a vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
