Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
