Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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