Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize