on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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