Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
