jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize