My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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