we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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