You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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