Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
