Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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