Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize