I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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