So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize