Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
