I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
