Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my poor anus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
