Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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