It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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