She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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