the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
