I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
