I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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