Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
