oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
