I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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