I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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