Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
