no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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