After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
