my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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