I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
