it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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