Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
