trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize