I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
