thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need a beard to bite.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
