hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
