In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
