I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
