I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
