I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
