At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
