He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
