I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
