My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
