I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
