My liver just broke up with me...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
