Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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