Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
