pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
