you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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