How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
