This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
