Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
