maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
