he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
