Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
