Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
