I have demons in me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
