and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
