some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
smell my finger.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
