yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you traded sex for a burrito?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
