O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
