That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
