I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
