I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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